muscial memories

I love music.

I love hearing the first few notes of a song, and instantly being trasported back in time, to a memory, clear as day.

The ability of music to make us remember a time, an emotion, a place, a person is remarkable.

Today, while driving home, I put my iPod on shuffle. As I was passing through Long Beach, The Kingston Trio's "Tom Dooley" came on. As soon as I heard the banjo strumming, I knew what it was.

When my sisters and I were young, we used to pile into our dad's Mercury Sable, and later our mom's cherry red Suburban for trips to visit or grandmother in Marin County and our grandparents in Carmel. I always had a window seat (I do get car sick!) and we did our best to entertain ourselves, but this was before cars had personal DVD players and we didn't all have walkmans.

Instead, we were forced to listen to our parents' music, which inevitably consisted of a recorded tape - one side The Kingston Trio and the other, The Limelighters. If you are into folk music, you know who I am talking about. Now, my parents had really good taste in music - I owe my love of Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Rod Stewart, Cat Stevens, etc to them (Abba too!), but for some reason this was the road trip tape.

My sisters and I grew to appreciate folk music, and to this day, it's not uncommon to hear us recite the words to Tom Dolley verbatim.

Hearing the banjo instantly brought me back to 80, driving to Novato with two sisters, and a mom and dad. A family.

I miss it everyday.

run, run, run!

For the past three weeks, I have been training for a 5k as part of Cool Running's "Couch to 5k" Plan. And while my weight-loss may not be noticeable and I haven't run three straight miles quite yet ... the difference this plan has made in and on me is amazing.

My stamina is back. I feel better, happy. My blood pressure is down. And my mood-swings are less. I know the weight loss will follow, and I am okay with that for now.

For the first time in a long time, I was frustrated with something at work today (wait, that's not the first time in a long time) and I thought to myself, "Ugh, I can't wait to get home and run!"

So chipped knee, fractured toe, and toxic Helberta House be damned. I am back!

a tale of two girls ...

Once upon a time, a young couple was blessed with their second child, a little girl named Carrie. About six months later, in another suburb of Sacramento, their best friends were blessed with their first child, also a girl. Naturally, the two babies played together:

And as they grew older, they became best friends. They had the first can of soda together. Ate Nerds together. Played with their Cabbage Patch Kids. Escaped snakes. Survived being babysat by Tyler and Shaun. Put up with younger siblings. Shopped for tye-dye "leggos" with their dads. Roasted marshmellows. Made up cheerleading routines. Drank champagne with their moms when they turned 16. Watched their parents divorce and remarry. Graduated from college. Visited each other when their families moved from Sacramento. Celebrated new apartments. Met new boyfriends. Got attacked by crazies in line for the bathroom. Sang along with Van Morrison.

And then one day ... one of them met an amazing guy. She came over to her friend's house and showed her the guy's picture on the internet. She agreed he was cute. Then she met him, and liked him even more.

Soon after, the girl and the boy decided to get married. Everyone was excited - how could they not be? And the girl asked her friend to stand with her as she embarked on this new chapter of her life.

... and so it began, their next memory in the making.

hurt

In the past six months, I have received unkind emails from both my grandparents and an uncle - both of which declared they wanted nothing to do with me. I have had a sister stop speaking to me. And a mother who excluded me from a family celebration.

Growing up, I always thought your family loved you unconditionally. I thought they were the people you leaned on when you were done. Were happy with when you were sad. Not mine.

If someone asked me to describe my family today, I would tell them that my family has caused me more pain and saddness than anything else I've ever encountered. Unless I am who they want me to be, they want nothing to do with me.

I'm struggling. I'm struggling a lot. When the tears dry, I turn to the people who do love me. I have people who I call my "family," even though we don't share any of the same blood and while some may say we aren't related, these people love me and support me, in the good times and the bad.

It is these people who make me who I am today. I have bad moments, like I am having right now, but those people are there for me. I hope they know who they are, and I hope they know how much I love them.

My only hope is that someday I will be fortunate to have my own family and that no matter who they are, or what they do, I will love them just the same. I will hug my children and tell them that I love them. I will support my new siblings and be there for them.

I never want anyone I love to ever feel like this.

spring forward

Spring has arrived in Southern California! As I type, I am wearing a sundress and sweating. Yeah, that didn't come out like I wanted it to. Point is, it is gorgeous here in Redondo Beach - the sun is shining, the birds are chriping (literally), and the Goodyear Blimp is passing by.

In honor of spring, I thought I would feature my patio. Like any good "city" apartment, my patio is small, but it gets great light and it is a perfect place for me to read in the morning. I had held off on doing much of it, but when my mom visisted she brought me a box of things I had taken from my grandma's house when we helped her move into a senior apartment community.

My grandma had a ton of statuaries (sp?) in her garden and while I am not particularly religious, I love religious artifacts. When I went to put them out, I laughed because all of her items are western-based, while my Buddhas are all eastern. I like the ending result ... very balanced, yin and yang :)

Please ignore the dirt, I just watered. And the empty Talavera pot - I just planted a New Mexio cactus garden that should bloom in three weeks. Oh! And I would be remiss if I didn't point out the custom-made trellis my mom decided I HAD to have! Enjoy ...

design on a dime

When I made the decision to move out on my own, I looked at a lot of aparments, but something about this place stuck with me. It was the perfect amount of space, had the amenities I was looking for, and my manager is pretty much the best manager EVER!

My two reservations were a) the lack of storage space and b) the long length of the living room. After talking with some friends and family, I was able to solve issue "a" with minimal cost and maximum design.

In late February, my mom, her boyfriend Lester, and their truck containing enough equipment to open both a tool shop and design studio arrived! While I know they really wanted to come and hang out with me, I immediately put them to work putting together a storage space in my living room.

If you look closely at the above picture, you will see the awkward alcove stuffed full of boxes. The space was too small to fit any of my furniture, and because it didn't have a window, I wasn't a fan of making into a reading corner like I ended up doing in my bedroom.

So Lester and his saw worked together, and along with some shelving materials from Office Depot, put the alcove to good use as both a storage unit and bathroom for Annie:

Now that we solved the storage issue, we had to make it look good! This is where my mom came in. We stained a long wooden curtain rod, spanning the length of the sliding patio door and storage unit. My mom then sewed curtains for me using some off-white upholstery material she had left over from a project at her house, along with some gorgeous fabric I purchased.

The end result is more than I could have expected. The curtains soften the room and serve a practical purpose. Getting closer and closer to my housewarming cocktail party with all of this work ... oh, and my mom and Lester are available for hire. Lester really likes Sierra Nevada ...

powder room

I have been slacking in a major way on the blog front. Life ... why must you be so hectic??? I am currently in Albuquerque for work and have a few minutes to spare here and there so I will try to get a couple of posts on the new place up and several people have asked to see the progress!

While not excitng, below are pictures of my bathroom, which has two distinct areas - a vanity and a separate shower/toilet room. Painting the bathroom is not in my plans right now so I needed to find a color scheme that complimented the beige paint and white baseboards.

About a year ago, my mom gave me the most gorgeous shower curtain. I had never put it up at my old place because quite frankly, it was too nice. Now that I have my own place, I was so excited to have it serve as the focal point of my new bathroom!

Armed with a Tiffany blue and chocolate color scheme, I set to work decorating the rest of the bathroom. I found a chocolate and silver bathroom set at a Restoration Hardware outlet and then painted a wood shelf I already had to match the decor. I was able to incorporate a vase and onion grass I already had ... and my beloved Buddha canvas I have had for years.