hurt

In the past six months, I have received unkind emails from both my grandparents and an uncle - both of which declared they wanted nothing to do with me. I have had a sister stop speaking to me. And a mother who excluded me from a family celebration.

Growing up, I always thought your family loved you unconditionally. I thought they were the people you leaned on when you were done. Were happy with when you were sad. Not mine.

If someone asked me to describe my family today, I would tell them that my family has caused me more pain and saddness than anything else I've ever encountered. Unless I am who they want me to be, they want nothing to do with me.

I'm struggling. I'm struggling a lot. When the tears dry, I turn to the people who do love me. I have people who I call my "family," even though we don't share any of the same blood and while some may say we aren't related, these people love me and support me, in the good times and the bad.

It is these people who make me who I am today. I have bad moments, like I am having right now, but those people are there for me. I hope they know who they are, and I hope they know how much I love them.

My only hope is that someday I will be fortunate to have my own family and that no matter who they are, or what they do, I will love them just the same. I will hug my children and tell them that I love them. I will support my new siblings and be there for them.

I never want anyone I love to ever feel like this.