happy birthday maddie!

I am not sure how to feel today. On the one hand, my heart is sad because today is the second birthday of an amazing little girl who isn't here to celebrate with her family. A little girl who shouldn't have been taken from this earth, but was anyway.

On the other hand, my heart is happy because this little girl touched so many people's lives and because of that, strangers came together to mourn and celebrate. This little girl's short time on earth brough good that will continue for years to come.

Today is Madeline Alice Spohr's second birthday. I say is because I believe she's up there, eating a cream puff and looking down over all of us and smiling. I believe she is with her parents today, keeping watch over them and helping get through this incredibly difficult day.

I walked into my office today and realized that without meaning to, I am wearing a purple dress - purple was Maddie's favorite color. More proof that she is still with us in spirit.

I know we are all tightening our belts, especially with the holidays coming up, but if you can find it in your heart, or your wallet, to donate $25 to sponsor a NICU Support Pack in honor of Maddie, please do:



And if you can't do that, stop by the bakery and grab a cream puff and savor every bite because that's what Maddie would do if she was here.

secrets

I absolutely adore being Kate's godmother. I know she's only 14 months, and while she does think I am cool, she also thinks the giant red ball-like blocades outside of Target are cool. So I guess for now, it's more me thinking she's cool.

This weekend, I went over to play with Kate and Jack because I hadn't seen them in two weeks, which is a long time in our little world. When I arrived, Kate and Jack were napping so Felicia and I caught up. Then we could hear Kate talking to herself so Felicia got up and I could hear here saying, "Guess who is here??? Auntie Andy!"

Within a few minutes, I could hear two little feet running down the hall and then a little munchkin voice saying "Hiiiiiiii!" before she ran to me and insisted on getting up in my lap. We spent the next four hours playing and giggling and shopping online. Don't worry - Jack got PLENTY of attention too!

At the end of the night, as she was getting ready to go to bed, Kate came around and gave each of us a goodnight kiss. And while I watched her toddle off to bed, I started to miss her. I love when she wants me to hold her ... I love when she puts her hands on my cheeks and stares at me, smiling ... I love when she wants to wear my jewelry ... I love when I am sitting on the ground talking and she walks over and just plops down between my legs and just hangs ... and I love when I give her raspberries on her stomach and she can't breathe she is laughing so hard.

There is something special to me knowing that she is my goddaughter - like it's this secret we share, and will share forever.

you're only as old as you feel

When I turned 30 last year, I cannot tell you how many people told me, "Oh come on ... 30 is YOUNG!" I am here to tell you - it's not. I swear to god, in the last year, my body got old. Case in point:

One day I looked in the mirror and despite a decent-night's sleep, I had dark circles under my eye. Until that day, I had never visited the eye cream section of my local drugstore. After looking through the seemingly endless choices, I settled on one and now faithfully apply it each night before bed.

I live in a two-story townhouse. In the mornings, when walking downstairs, I look like someone's grandma. My joints take a good 20 minutes to losen up and until then, me walking is not a good idea.

Two weekends ago my sister Lindsay and I helped move my grandmother from her house into a retirement community apartment. The next day, as the words, "Oh my god, my back hurts!" flew out of my mouth, I cringed. I sound just like my dad, or my elderly friend Adam. Like what the hell??? My back hurts now!

I fall asleep with the tv on, or in the middle of a movie. I am now my mother. Enough said.

On the drive home from work, I often can't handle listening to music. It's almost too much after a day spent listening to people in the office. So I turn on talk radio ... which I hated as a kid! My dad would turn it on during our drives home from Carmel and Marin and my sisters and I would protest by playing with our pocket Simon until my dad yelled at us.

I can't recover from a hangover like I used to. If I am going to drink, I have to make sure the entire next day is free and clear so that I can lay in bed cursing god for making me drink.

I am taking a cake decorating class - and I don't care that I am by far the youngest person there, minus the 15 year old there with her mom. My 20-year old self wouldn't have been caught dead at Joann's Etc on a Wednesday night.

I listen to KIIS-FM and have to ask my younger roommates who is singing the song we're listening to. And then when they reply, I still have no idea who they are talking about.

My girlfriends and I come home for the evening, and as we are driving home yawning, everyone else is just leaving their house, ready to begin the night.

So let's just be honest with each other ... I'm old!

spinning

The world revolves around me.

There - I said it.


And when I say the world revolves around me, I don't mean to imply that I am the center of the universe. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I am stuck. And I don't know what to do. How to be unstuck. I feel like the world keeps revolving - people around me keeping moving, and I am standing still, unsure of how to move forward.

I know I need a change. I even know what I need to change - I'm just not sure how to go about it. I have moments where I feel myself, and feel like I am making progress ... and then I take the proverbial two steps back. And I'm frustrated.

I guess this is my version of a mid-life crisis, minus the shiny red convertible and hot young girlfriend. I'm unhappy, unsatisfied with where I want to be - I want more. I want change.

I hope you will bear with me as I try to figure this all out. Tonight, while lying in a hot, dark bath tub, I told myself to use this blog to talk about my feelings, even if no one reads it. I have always been a writer, and writing helps me feel better, even if only temporarily.

So I will write ... and hope that one day soon, the world will start revolving ... with me in it.

a moment to remember

My grandfather on my father's side died when my dad was young. He and my grandmother were already divorced and while he stayed in New York and remarried, my grandmother slowly migrated west with my dad and eventually settled in Marin County. She eventually remarried, but when that didn't work out, she and a female co-worker, Betsy, decided to move into together. And so they did.

For 31 years of my life, which sadly, is my entire life, Betsy and my grandmother lived in their house on Rowland Boulevard in Novato. She was family and we referred to her as Tante B, a nod to her German heritage. When we were little, we loved visiting their house because there were paper dolls and dollhouses to play with, and we could stay in our pajamas all day baking cakes.

Betsy wasn't as into the playing, but she made us laugh. She could be a pain at times - even she would agree with that - but she seemed to enjoy life and its simple pleasures. For example, every Christmas she wanted socks, handkerchiefs, and a cookie sheet. Nothing more, nothing less.

A few years ago, Betsy was diagnosed with emphesyma. While not completely shocking (she was a lifelong smoker), it was disturbing to watch her slowly detriorate. For the past year, she has had numerous setbacks, but would then bounce back. She rarely left her room and this Christmas managed to come out and open one gift (a cookie sheet, go figure) before retiring to her bed. It was interesting, sad, and touching to watch my grandmother take care of her when for so many years, Betsy was the one who ran the house and took care of her.

In early July, I was in Sacramento when I received a call from my dad letting me know that Betsy had died that morning. My grandmother was with her and by all accounts, Betsy left this early peacefully. While sad, after I hung up the phone with my dad, I continued getting ready to see a friend's band play.

Last week, while on a date with my dad to see Spamalot, I started crying when talking about Betsy over dinner. It hit me that not only had I not cried, but no one really had. Like most, we had been expecting this and what concerned us most was what we were going to do with my grandmother and how doing so would affect our lives. Not many of us, including myself, even stopped for a minute and just thought about Betsy.

She didn't want a service, and didn't want a fuss made over her. She never complained, perhaps because she knew the disease that was killing her was brought on by her own choices. When my sisters and I were visiting in April, as we left, Betsy's voice crackled over the intercom telling us to come back in to see her. We did so and were told by her that this would be the last time she would say goodbye - and she was right.

So I guess in some small way, this is me making a fuss and paying tribute to a family member who wasn't perfect, but who loved us all and was loved back. I hope wherever she is, she is happy and knows that I did take the time to remember and she will always be a part of my family.

diy - bathroom remodel

Over the long 4th of July weekend, Lexi and I decided that we were sick of our upstairs bathroom. It had been neglected for some time and didn't reflect our personalities. With a little help from some Restoration Hardware accessories I purchased awhile ago and IKEA ... we were able to modernize it without too much effort. Mind you, if we owned the home we would have repainted and taken out the 1970s marble countertop, but we rent ... and this is as good as it gets :)

the good ole' us-of-a

Happy 4th of July - hopefully you all have yummy cupcakes at your house too!

tahoe + me = love

I have been visiting Tahoe - Chinquapin on the north shore that is - for my entire life. I think it is the hundreds of memories I have of it coupled with the lake's absolute beauty that makes it one of my favorite places on Earth. I love how it smells ... how the sun feels in the mid-afternoon ... how the pine trees sound when the wind rustles through them ... and how vibrant the sunset is over the lake.

I recently spent nine days there and instead of telling a story for every picture, I am simply going to post some of my favorite photos because it's the memories of this incredible place that I hold in my heart that make them so special!

jesus is the reason!

I'm spending the next nine days in Tahoe, one of my favorite places on Earth! While I'm gone, check out this photo I took in Santa Fe ... I'm obsessed with it.

no love for barnes & noble here!

David Sedaris is one of my favorite authors/writers to ever grace this Earth. I have read all of his books and listen to him on NPR. I tried to get tickets to see him at UCLA's Royce Hall, but they sold out so I was estatic when I saw that he was going to be appearing at a local Barnes & Noble this month.

I should have known it wasn't that easy. Nothing is that easy. Behold my complaint letter to the evil corporate monster that is Barnes & Noble @ the Grove:

Barnes & Noble – Farmers Market
189 Grove Drive
Suite K 30Los Angeles, CA 90036


June 18, 2009

To Whom It May Concern:

On Wednesday, June 17 I planned to attend the David Sedaris author event and signing at your store. After hearing about the event a few months prior, I checked your website for more information and the following information was all that was given:

David SedarisWhen You Are Engulfed in Flames
Author Event
Wednesday June 17, 2009 7:00 PMThe Grove at Farmers Market189 Grove Drive Suite K 30, Los Angeles, CA 90036, 323-525-0270


Wanting to make sure additional information had not been posted to the event, I checked back repeatedly, but no information was added.

The day of the event I left my office in Fullerton and drove two hours in rush-hour traffic to make the event and arrived at 6:30pm. Upon my entrance into the store, I was handed a flyer and told I had to buy a copy When You are Engulfed in Flames if I wanted to receive an event wristband.

I bought a copy of the book, even though I already had a copy, and was then told Mr. Sedaris would not sign the books I had brought with me unless I had proof of purchase, which I did not. I then proceeded to the second floor where I waited in line for over 1 ½ hours without moving. While waiting line, several patrons took the escalator to the third floor, where the reading was set to take place, without anyone stopping them.

Finally at 8pm, a Barnes & Noble employee came down to inform us that the reading would be over in less than five minutes, which surprised those of us in line as we did not know the reading had already started. We were told the line we were waiting in was the line for the reading. The employee, who stated he is charge of event relations, then told us that we could have gone up to the third floor for the reading and that the line we were standing in was in fact the line for the book signing and had we gone to the third floor, we would have lost our place in line for the signing. You can only imagine our frustration when we learned that we missed out on the reading due to a total and complete lack of communication on the store’s part.

After waiting in line another 30 minutes – after being told it would be five – we were allowed make our way up to the third floor. We expected to be first in line for the signing, which helped ease our frustration a bit – only to be greeted by a long, Disneyland-style queue filled with patrons who had just finished listening to Mr. Sedaris’ reading.

Nearing the end of my patience, I waited in line for 30 minutes, only to move three spots. A nearby employee told me it would most likely take another two hours to reach the front of the line. After a long day at work, a two-hour drive, and nearly three hours at your store, I rode the escalators down to the first floor and returned my book.

As a nearly 10-year event planning and media relations veteran, the planning and communication associated with this event is deplorable. No information was included on your website regarding the early availability of wristbands, the reading start time, specific book purchasing requirements, or prior proof of purchase. I am an extremely loyal David Sedaris reader/listener and a frequent Barnes & Noble customer so to be treated like this without even the slightest of an apology is distressing.

While I will not hold this against Mr. Sedaris, I will most likely frequent other bookstores, who communicate proactively with potential customers and author event participants. I hope you can learn from this situation so that others do not have to experience the frustration I did.

Sincerely,
Andrea M. Hanstein


Cc: Steven Barclay Agency

albuquerque + santa fe

This year, my NCMPR Summer Board Meeting was held in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I didn't have any expectations, good or bad, and was just curious to visit a part of the country I have never experienced. And okay, I was a little worried about the extreme heat!

The trip started off on a bumpy note as my descent into Albuquerque literally made me nauseous. Apparently, strong canyon winds in the Rio Grande Valley, coupled with the warm air, create a lot of bumps on your landing. I am used to turbulence, but this literally made me nauseous. Unlike anything I have experienced in my prior travels.

Once my feet were on solid ground, I picked up my luggage and headed to my hotel, the Hyatt, which was located in downtown Albuquerque. Downtown Albuquerque isn't much to speak of as it is primarily a business downtown and is deserted on weekends and after 5pm. I witnessed this first-hand my first night there when Melinda and I went to get water at the local 7-11 and saw two people casually smoking crack outside our hotel. A little local flavor!

There was a section of downtown within walking distance on Central Avenue, which is part of Old Route 66. There were some fun bars and shops, but it could still use a bit of work. The history of it was fun to see though.

The main purpose of my visit was meetings, but we did have one free afternoon in Old Town Albuquerque, which reminds me of San Diego's Old Town. It was filled with a lot of gift shops and southwestern jewlery stores. We ate at the Church Street Cafe, where I sampled there Chili Cheese Frito Pie - YUM! Why can't more restaurants in California serve it? If you haven't tried it, you must!

My favorite part of the visit was the chapel located near the center of town. For those of you who do not know me, I am obsessed with visiting churches, which you may find odd because I do not attend church. However, I can't get enough of them and always feel at peace when I enter them.

On Sunday afternoon, the group caravaned up to Santa Fe, via the Turquoise Trail. It was a bit rainy that day, but even the dark, thundering clouds could not take away from how absolutely beautiful Santa Fe is. It was much more "authentic" than Santa Fe, and very green with the mountains towering over it. Like Old Town, the main part of the town was centered around a town square, complete with a gazebo. Toward the end of the afternoon, a group of us had drinks at a second-floor bar overlooking the town square. The rain had just stopped and as we looked out onto the gazebo, we could hear music playing and then saw couples taking ballroom dancing lessons inside the gazebo. It was almost magical.

Before we could shop or sightsee, we had to eat, of course! Debbie, a New Mexico native, took us to the Plaza Diner, where I had the most amazing burrito smothered in red and green chile - which the locals refer to as "Christmas-style." But the best part of the meal??? The HUGE sopapillas which you smother in honey. Literally to die for!

I spent the rest of the afternoon with Heather where we visited not one, but TWO, churches! The first was the Catholic Basilica and it took my breath away. I really liked it because it was named after St. Francis of Assisi, who happens to be my favorite saint.

After our stop at the basilica, we headed to the Loretto Chapel, home of the famous winding staircase (click here for the story). The chapel was much smaller, but still very beautiful.

My only regret was that I did not get to visit the Georgia O'Keefe museum as we arrived five minutes before closing. I hope to spend a weekend in Santa Fe when I return for the NCMPR conference this spring, so hopefully I will have a chance to explore it then!